I think I am going to have to see a doctor this week sometime, or maybe next week and tell someone how I am feeling.

I have to admit something now......I am obsessed with food, eating and diets. Food consumes my thoughts about80-90% of my day - I wake up and think about what I am going to eat, I get to work and think about the snack trolley coming round, then it's lunch, then it's dinner and this is every day. I cannot go into a bar without looking at the menu, I cannot go on a day out without thinking about when and where I am going to eat, I get an unusual amount of pleasure from going to the supermarket and looking at/being around food. I am always trying a diet, then failing and giving up.

My mind does not feel like my own. I feel consumed and swamped by food, it controls me and my daily life. I don't feel any pleasure from doing 'normal' things like being around the man I love, I can't get excited about going on holiday, having a long weekend coming up, birthdays etc, but I get so excited when I am going to eat out in a restaurant. Nothing really makes me happy anymore other than eating.

I feel sick and demented, I feel out of control (and I have big issues with control), I feel powerless and I feel insane. I am sick.

I have no idea what to do, where to turn, who to talk to. Who will listen to me, who will take me seriously, who will believe me?

I feel in a downwards spiral.